Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I need more.

I'm feeling a little bummed today. It's crazy! The weather is beautiful, today's Daily OM is inspiring, I have a class tonight, so what's up?

While falling asleep last night I was looking forward to class tonight, like a kid on Christmas Eve kind of excited. I wish I could take more classes during the week but it is hard with my schedule. I leave my house at 7 am and get home by 7 pm (if I'm coming straight home from work, no class). I eat dinner and don't really get settled until about 9:00 pm. By this time I'm tired, full from dinner, showered, and don't even want to try to practice at home.

A couple of years back I was on a serious roll with 3-4 classes a week. Now it seems like something I try to squeeze in during the week. After trying several gyms and growing bored of them after a few months, Yoga is the only form of exercise I have been able to commit to. Sometimes, like now, I feel like I'm deprived from it and it makes me sad. I feel it physically too as I feel sloppy and fat. I'm seriously hating my body today. I know I'm not benefiting as much from an asana practice as I should be.

I can honestly say that practicing is the only time I feel strong, confident, awesome, give or take the few challenging poses that make me fumble but I'm talking about overall, it makes me feel good. I wish I could feel this way more and not just from doing yoga. Sometimes I worry that I might depend on yoga to feel good about myself, it's my only escape. You know how some rely on their girl/boyfriend, money, alcohol, or sex to feel good about themselves? It's just a strange idea I have. I'm sure I'll feel better once I leave work and walk to the studio.

I'm just not in a good situation right now as far as living so far from my job and not being close to anything I'm interested in. There's NOTHING where I live. I've become one of those folks that slaves away in an office and doesn't get much fulfillment in anything else, only fantasizes about it. I never thought I would become that person.


Nadine Fawell said...

I don't feel right without yoga either. I need to practice every single day, and I confess that when I have time, I practice twice. I figure if you are going to be addicted to something, make it something good for you, like yoga! Hope your week improves.

Regina Clare Jane said...

Oh, sorry to hear that it is such a rough time right now... I can relate to what you said about being dependent on yoga- it's that whole thing about "on the mat- off the mat" yoga. I ain't there yet myself.
I think it's great that we can all talk so freely and openly about what yoga does for us and how we are feeling... we need each other.

Megan said...

sigh, I am, sadly, very familiar with how you are feeling. Yoga was once my everything, now, I'm lucky if I get a home workout once a month.
I'm trying to convince my brain that walking my new dog is really yoga. Do you think that would help??

Cupcakes & Yoga said...

Megan, walking your dog could be considered a walking meditation which is a form of yoga so yes, walking your dog could be yoga. :)

ombites (mary) said...

I wish I could take more classes as well but have the same problem as you with the work situation. I do try to get up super early most days to practice when I can't get to class but it can run me down a little. I think it's okay not to practice asana everyday. We need to find a balance with our lives.

Hey, how about doing a session during your lunch hour? Or walk home from work (in the last stretch so it only takes 30-60 mins)? When I can't do a yoga session, I try to walk on that day and find that gets me out of a funk.

Another thing that keeps me motivated and interested is a quote (yep, I love my quotes LOL) by Kevin Farrow -

"Give yourself about 15 to 30 minutes a day to practice. If you don't have 15 to 30 minutes a day, try 10 to 15 minutes a day. If you can't find 10 minutes a day, you know you have no interest." Kevin Farrow, The Natural Alchemist

I think if you can do this, take just 10 minutes a day to practice, you will get your spark back!

Can you change your current situation? It's not worth staying in a situation if it unhealthy for you. I hope you feel better soon!!