Transition

Chinese New Year 2008
Originally uploaded by Trish CupcakeMomma

The latest Yoga Journal has an article about how to make transitions gracefully and how to handle change when it is not so graceful. This was comforting to read. I mentioned in my previous entry about looking to leave my job this summer and not knowing what lies ahead. Of course I'm a little nervous about my decision, cold feet if you will, but I'm sticking to it.

In case you are not aware, Chinese New Year just passed and it is the year of the Rat. Daily Om had an entry about this, Promise Of Prosperity. Do you see a pattern?

Looking beyond Western culture’s distaste for rats, we may be able to appreciate their ability to thrive in less than ideal conditions. This quality might offer us hope that whatever challenges we may face will only serve to make us stronger and more able. The rat’s ability to solve problems is well-known, so we can choose to enjoy any challenge that helps us keep our minds sharp while also making life more of a game.

Going back to the YJ article, it also mentions that choosing to change should not be taken lightly. Yes it is wonderful to hear stories of people who took that risk and prospered but there is more to the fairy tale than that. I honestly don't know what I am going to do. I have a history of making rash decisions I end up regretting. I need to, must find time to meditate on this. I want a new start, to go on a new path, but I'm not sure what path to take. I am at the point where I feel like I have struggled so much I just don't want to anymore. Yes, I want the easy path but I know that doesn't exist. The easy path is to just stay where I am and continue to drown.

Winning Isn't Everything

Anyone subscribe to DailyOM? I get daily emails. I try to read them all but I must admit that there are times they just get the delete button. Today was not one of those days. Today's DailyOM was about competing with yourself which hit home with me.

Since day 1 of my yoga practice, it was always in the back of my head to get better. Because of my size, I always believed that I have to work harder at perfecting poses and kicking it's ass to show the skinny folks that I can do this. It's stupid, stupid, stupid. Skinny folk don't care about me but it's hard to shake it. I have injured myself a couple of times as a result. My good friend and owner of the studio I go to thinks I'm crazy. She hates when I talk fat because she always tells me that I'm not fat and I always tell her that it's not gonna work, I still think it and feel it. Some people would think I'm fine, others would consider me overweight, it depends on who you ask.

There are many reasons we strive to outdo ourselves. When we are ambitious in our quest for growth, we are driven to set and meet our own expectations. We do not look to external experiences of winning and losing to define our sense of self-worth. Rather, we are our own judges and coaches, monitoring our progress and gauging how successful we have become. Though we seek the thrill of accomplishment tirelessly, we do so out of a legitimate need to improve the world or to pave the way for those who will follow in our footsteps. Be careful, though, that your competitiveness is not the result of an unconscious need to show others that you are capable of meeting and then exceeding their standards.

BAM!!! Hence my serious competitive nature in yoga. I'm not necessarily competing with the person next to me so don't worry, I'm not watching you during class to see how well you're doing a pose, that's just creepy. I'm competing with my "inner judge". Now this isn't always a bad thing, I don't want to just settle and practice half-ass either. I seek the feeling I feel when I finally held Bakasana for a couple of breaths, the first time I did a handstand, the first time clasp my hands in a bind, it is such a wonderful feeling. I do focus on me when I practice which is good, I just need to not be so hard on myself when I have an off day.